Sealed with a Kiss
by Jaycie Victory
Summary: Jayne doesn't kiss on the mouth, but River does. A collection of unrelated one-shots/ficlets where River kisses Jayne. Varying timelines and POVs. Rayne.
1. Sign your name across my heart

**A/N ******** I plan on adding to this collection as and when I get inspired; **I have another chapter to add in the next day or so. **This is my first attempt at writing a River POV. I had a lot of fun trying. Hope you enjoy :)**

* * *

**Sign Your Name Across My Heart**

A man's kiss is his signature.

Inara said it to Kaylee while she brushed the girl's hair, giggling. (Kaylee giggling, not the girl's hair.)

Words weren't always linear; twisting, looping, swirling. Running round like decapitated poultry, refusing to be herded where the girl needed them to be. No pretty ducks all in a row.

But sometimes words stuck, wriggled, stayed.

* * *

A man's kiss is his signature.

Serenity had men. Many men; different men. Each with their stamp; each with their trademark.

The healer's hands - the broken book - the soaring dinosaur - the burned brown coat - the tender gun.

These were their icons.

But not their signatures?

The girl liked signatures. Had practised all day long Before, until each curlicue was perfect. Before the ink ran, before the girl was ruined.

Before.

But even now the girl could enjoy signatures. The girl was a Reader, after all.

The words had stuck; the question stayed. The girl went seeking answers.

* * *

The healer's signature was anxious – pressed like benediction; an invocation for wholeness_._

The book's signature was light and shade – a bright, sharp blade soft against her skin.

The dinosaur's signature was a ripple of laughter, a smiling imploration not to tell the Warrior.

The coat's signature was startled – a reluctant peck to cheek that turned lingering and fond.

The gun's signature was elusive. It did not want to be read.

* * *

Gruff demands.

Why the ruttin' hell you following me 'round, girl? Can a man not lift weights in peace?

Anxious inquiries.

What you up to, Crazy?

Edgy dread.

You're not carrying a knife, are ya?

Hasty retreat.

The words had stuck; the question stayed.

The girl waited in his bunk.

* * *

Shriek of surprise.

_Ta ma de_! Gorramit, Crazy! You tryin' to give me a heart attack?

The girl advanced.

Voice hitching ever higher.

What you up to there, Crazy? Crazy? River? What are you—

* * *

The gun's signature was a searing brand.

Inscribed on River's soul.

* * *

**Glossary:**

**_Ta ma de_ – F***!**

**A/N 2 "A man's kiss is his signature" is attributed to Mae West.**


	2. From This Slumber She Shall Wake

**From This Slumber She Shall Wake**

Crazy was actin', well, _crazy_.

Ever since 'Nara had given her some Core children's book 'bout fairies and witches or summat, she'd been actin' weirder and weirder. Huge dark eyes followin' him 'round the ship, appearin' in unexpected places, and always watchin' him with head tilted like a _gorram _bird. Was enough to make a man jumpy as a cat.

Jayne found himself retreating more and more to the safety of his bunk. Which meant he almost jumped out his skin one morning when he climbed down the ladder to find River stretched out on his bed apparently fast asleep.

Gorramit. She musta slept-walked down here after one of those ruttin' drugs her brother liked to push on her. What the hellwas he meant to do now? He wasn't fond of the notion of tryin' to wake her, images of the last time he'd touched her when she was sleep-tranced painfully fresh in his mind. (That was one squeeze one part of his body wouldn't forget in a hurry.)

Jayne studied her, considering his options. Clearly, he needed to go get Simon, or Kaylee, or Zo— no, not Zoe – she might misunderstand… Mighty quick with her accusations was Zoe. And her fists. That ruled out Mal, too. And since he wasn't hankerin' for a suspicionin' lecture from Dr. Prissypants neither, that left Kaylee.

Any second now, he'd go get Kaylee.

Jayne found himself studying River once more. Jayne knew he weren't the quickest on the trigger when it came to thinkin', but he hadn't survived this long as a merc without finely tuned instincts, and somethin' about this scene just didn't add up. Somethin' was… off.

River was holding a white flower between her hands. Where the _dì yù_ did she find a flower? Her hair seemed carefully brushed for once, spread out like a dark halo round her head and she was wearin' a long sleeveless dress she musta gotten from Inara, crimson silk startlin' against her shiny ivory skin; even lyin' down it was too long, trailin' over her bare feet.

Which just twitched.

Jayne's eyes narrowed with suspicion. A suspicion which was confirmed moments later when River spoke.

"He must wake the girl." River cracked one eye open and gave him a reamin' frown. "Jayne must wake the girl."

"Y'already awake, Crazy," Jayne rumbled. "You don't need no waking up, if y'already awake. That's logic."

River sighed and opened her eyes, as though worn out by his powerful density. Jayne flushed. He was used to feelin' stupid 'round the girl, but on this occasion he felt a little hurt – his response was logical, weren't it?

River was talking again, seemingly to herself: "Jayne doesn't understand. Cannot rescue on his own; the girl must rescue him first. Again." Her expression moved from resigned to amused to… hungry?

Dropping the flower, she got up from the bunk and weaved over to him. Jayne was distracted by the movement of her hips as she did so, like the ripple of slow waves through her namesake.

He was so distracted by this observation, he didn't notice how close River was getting until she was standing right in front of him. He shifted from foot to foot nervily; last time River was this close, knives had been involved.

Then nerves turned to a sort of stunned daze when River twined her arms round his neck, her sweet breath huffing against his mouth; she was staring at his lips, making Jayne automatically lick his own.

"Jayne must wake the girl," she repeated. "The girl was asleep then woke to bitter ashes – to silent screaming – so slept again. The girl needs waking with sweet reason. The girl needs truth that passes lips." Jayne didn't have a clue what River's mouth was sayin', but the message in her eyes was all-fired startlin' clear. Eyes so big and deep he thought he might drown in 'em. "Wake me up, Prince Jayne," she breathed.

And kissed him.

* * *

**A/N "From this slumber she shall wake, when true loves kiss the spell shall break." From Disney's Sleeping Beauty.**

**Glossary:**

**_dì yù_- hell**


	3. Ice-capade

**Ice-capade**

The bulk of Serenity's crew was in the mess area, savouring their spoils.

Serenity had gone planet-side for a few days so its crew was enjoying various Core-like luxuries. Like floral soap instead of the Rim-made cactus kind (which got you clean but only because it removed the top few layers of the epidermis). Simon inwardly grinned, wondering when his life had shifted to the point that Core had become 'luxury' instead of normal. Though he couldn't deny its scarcity made him appreciate it all the more.

Best of all the luxuries was the food.

Currently plump in the pocket following a – relatively rare – aboveboard consignment and – definitely rare – successful result, Mal had let them splash out beyond the usual nutritious but tasteless essentials; there were fresh fruit and vegetables, real meat and real dairy. There were even a few nutritionally dubious but undeniably delicious extras.

Which was why it was no surprise when Jayne wandered in carrying an Ice Planet. Briefly scanning the room, he made his way over to where River was sat cross-legged on the table (she never listened to Simon or Mal's repeated requests not to sit there) and leant against the wall, making sure she could see him.

Coiling the string around his finger so its motion was restricted, Jayne was taking large gleeful bites of the ice-cream whilst staring at River.

The others didn't notice and continued their heated debate on who should get credit for the success of the job.

But Simon noticed. He had noticed Jayne did that a lot; went out of his way to get a reaction from her. It seemed the big merc's dislike of his _mei-__mei_ continued even after Miranda. Which was disgustingly ungrateful of him, really.

Simon had actually thought Jayne might have been displaying some character growth. For a while after the cataclysmic events on Miranda he had been very quiet, withdrawn – almost contemplative. (At least as much as Jayne was able to contemplate.)

Simon would catch him watching River with a strange look in his eye – half-wary, half-admiring.

And then it had stopped, and the taunting had started. It wasn't real bullying or Simon would have intervened long since, but it wasn't completely congenial either.

It was as though Jayne was deeply frustrated and taking it out on River.

So it was no surprise to see Jayne taking great pleasure in ostentatiously flaunting the Ice Planet and his ease at eating it. He made loud, exaggerated noises of enjoyment, pausing every so often to shoot River smug looks.

He displayed his usual lack of manners while doing so, ice-cream smearing round his mouth.

River was watching him, head cocked like an inquisitive bird. Simon knew that expression well – assimilating data. Then her expression changed to one he knew even better: warning, incoming mischief.

Jayne obviously wasn't familiar with it as he continued smirking at her complacently. Simon felt no obligation to warn him; he deserved whatever he had coming.

River unfolded herself and got down from the table, then moved towards Jayne with head still cocked until she was standing right in front of him.

Jayne's expression flickered slightly, looking slightly less insouciant. His eyes darted left and right to his unseeing shipmates as he swallowed; but he held his ground.

Simon continued to watch, wondering what revenge River was going to wreak. So he was taken as much by surprise as Jayne when she rose on her tiptoes with balletic grace, cupped the back of his neck for balance, and slowly and lovingly licked the ice-cream from his lips.

Simon's jaw dropped open; conversation slowly petered out as the rest of the crew became aware of her action.

A sort of horrified silence greeted the unprecedented sight of River half-eating, half-kissing the giant merc…

…which gave way to explosive expostulation moments later when Jayne growled, yanked River clean off her feet, and glued his lips to hers.

* * *

**Glossary:**

**_mei-mei_ - little sister**


	4. Dancing on Air

**A/N This is a companion piece to my one-shot "Dancing with Death", told from Jayne's POV.**

* * *

**Dancing on Air  
**

River was dancin' again.

It was both Jayne's most favouritest thing in the world and his most hated.

When River danced, she glowed with such beauty Jayne couldn't take his eyes off her. When River danced, it reminded him just how far outta reach she was.

Too pure, too young, too shiny for a grubby merc with years of hard livin' behind him and no house nor hold nor way to give her the Core livin' she was used to, that she deserved.

When River danced, she soared like a bird. Totally free.

Jayne was clumsy by comparison – too big, too graceless, 'less it was in a fight. River was twistin' quicksilver in body and mind. Where she soared, Jayne plodded.

The last thing she deserved was to be down in the dirt with him; the last thing she deserved was him.

When River danced, it made Jayne's spirit soar… then crash.

Mouth twisting, Jayne turned away from the scene unfolding below where River danced alone.

When he felt a light touch on his shoulder, he twisted like lightning, hand sweeping for a weapon that wasn't there.

To his surprise, it was River that met his gaze, eyes deep, serious pools he could happily fall in… Jerking himself back (Gorramit, this _always _happened when he looked into her eyes for too long), Jayne tried to make his voice rough. Something that had grown harder and harder since Miranda, since she'd saved 'em all, since he'd seen her dance a whole different way…

"You shouldn't of snuck up on me like that, Crazy," he growled. He found it was safer to call her by nicknames – the name "River" had a tendency to fall too soft from his lips, too tellin'.

River's head was tilted consideringly, a small smile hovering round her mouth. "The girl is tired of waiting. The girl must help the boy to see. Inequal partners in crime is not greater than perfect partners in dance. The sum of this formula is love." Grabbing hold of his arm, she started towing him down the stairway down to the cargo bay floor.

Jayne didn't resist, but his brows snapped together. He'd gotten a lot better at decipherin' River-speak since Miranda. "What boy?" he growled, with no need to try at sounding rough this time. "You gone and got yerself mixed up with some _hún dàn _Rim crim?

River rolled her eyes. A look of concentration came over face. "I will help you see. Clap your hands, Jayne."

"What?"

River's face progressed to her best "You're such a boob" look. "Clap your hands, Jayne," she repeated. "Hold the beat."

Feelin' a _bèn dàn_, but unable to resist River's request, Jayne self-consciously began to clap, slow and steady.

River turned and fluidly extended a leg, her red dress fell back, revealing the perfect lines of her muscles. Their slender, shiny beauty. Jayne swallowed. River's leg touched the deck; she used it to pivot round, unfurling an arm with such grace it made him ache.

This was torture. Sweet torture.

Somehow, Jayne retained the beat and watched as River flowed round the cargo bay, heart-beat beginning to quicken. He noticed River's dance was changing, speeding up, faster than the beat but somehow perfectly in time. Jayne realised he was holding his breath.

Just when he thought he couldn't watch any longer without doin' somethin' crazy like seizin' her and pullin' her close, River abruptly changed direction.

Whirling in perfect, controlled circles, she flew across the room until she was standing right in front of him, staring into his eyes.

"The girl needs the boy's beat to dance," she declared. "The girl needs the boy." She weren't even remotely outta breath, a small part of him marvelled, before it was hijacked by the rest of his brain exploding with questions as River's words sunk in.

"But you dance all the time without me clappin'," Jayne objected.

River's smile was tender. To his total shock, she touched his chest and slid her hand till it was positioned over his heart.

"This is my beat; this is my rhythm. The girl cannot be free without the steady beat. The girl can only dance because of the boy. Their dance is perfect."

Jayne stared at her, slack-jawed. She couldn't mean what he thought she did, could she? He musta got it wrong.

River's hand slid from his heart until it curved round his neck. She went up on her tiptoes so that her words whispered over his lips, makin' 'em tingle.

"Dance with me, Jayne." She pressed her lips to his, so brief and sweet. "Dance with me."

Head whirling, heart pounding, Jayne closed his eyes and lowered his head, following River's lead.

River was right. Their dance was perfect.

* * *

**Glossary:**

**_bèn dàn_ - dumbass**

**_hún dàn _- bastard**


	5. The Beauty of Your Thoughts

**A/N Thank you so much to everyone who has reviewed - especially jjmjmay and deanandjo4ever1, who are very kind multiple reviewers, and also to lovely guest reviewers who I can't reply to (hi, Mark!).**

**If it wasn't clear, this fic, "Sealed with a Kiss", is a collection of unrelated drabbles and one-shots. So if you're looking for a chronological progression... don't ;)**

**Strictly speaking, this chapter is probably too long to be included in this collection, and should stand alone as a ficlet, but it fits in so well with the title I decided to keep it here :) This story features a River post-Miranda by around two years, so her thoughts are more linear.**

**Hope you enjoy.**

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**The Beauty of Your Thoughts**

"Why won't he?" River asked abruptly.

"What?"

"Why won't Jayne kiss on the mouth?"

They were lying on their backs, gazing at the stars. A recently accepted job to deliver a consignment of medical supplies to a clinic on Angel (which just so happened to be the moon where Inara was currently settled, a coincidence Mal had tried to pass off with wide-eyed innocence that fooled no-one), had gone off without a hitch.

This almost unprecedented occurrence had caused the crew to celebrate, each in their own way.

Mal had taken the bold step of asking Inara to dinner in Iloilo City. It would be interesting to see if their current cordiality survived the meal – it seemed certain one of two things would crack: their tempers or their self-control. Jayne and River had made bets: River said temper; Jayne said both.

Zoe had remained on Serenity, claiming an evening to herself whilst Hoby slept was untold luxury and that, these days, her idea of a good time was more than an hour's sleep in one sitting.

Kaylee and Simon had slipped away somewhere… River deliberately didn't linger on what they might be doing.  
She understood these things much better these days.

So that left River and Jayne.

Ordinarily, River could apply a very simple algorithm with respect to Jayne and celebrating, with a finite number of outputs, ranging from Jayne falling over from inebriation, Jayne falling over from a punch to the head, Jayne falling into a prostitute's bed, or some combination of the three.

But not this time.

Jayne had harrumphed as various Serenity crew members scattered in varying directions; River raised her eyebrows at him in inquiry. They both knew what the other was thinking.

At twenty, River wasn't technically old enough to drink in bars; an Alliance regulation that was rarely applied in the Rim, but cropped up more often as you drew closer to the Core. They wouldn't know for sure if a bar upheld the law till they tried, but it wasn't worth the risk of drawing attention from the authorities. They might not be Alliance themselves, but this far in, there were bound to be sympathisers. Sympathisers who might have heard of a certain Firefly…

Jayne's gaze longingly travelled toward a nearby watering-hole; it was just the sort of dive he liked to frequent. His gaze travelled back to River.

"Gorramit," he muttered. "Stay here," he commanded, then shouldered his way into the saloon.

Several minutes went by, and River started to wonder if one of the algorithm's outputs had already occurred. Then Jayne reappeared, carrying a bottle of whiskey.

"You deserve to celebrate too, Moonling," he commented. "But there ain't no ruttin' way in hell I'm celebratin' sober."

And he wandered away from the settlement with River happily trotting in his wake.

So that was how they'd ended up communing with nature, under a midnight sky, slightly inebriated.

Jayne had bogarted most of the whiskey, claiming he was bigger and therefore needed more, but enough had passed River's lips for the world to be spinning ever-so-slightly faster than usual, but in an oh so pleasant way.

River was used to the world spinning, but it wasn't normally pleasant. (Spinning, twisting, whirling spirals…Down, down and down; worst of all carnival rides, impossible to disembark.)

Thinking about the celebration algorithim and its various outputs, River found herself focusing on the third one and Jayne's curious attitude towards women and kissing. Forgetting for a moment that he wouldn't be privy to the thought process which led up to it, she had asked her question.

"What gorram business of yours is that, Moonbrain?" Jayne said gruffly, but the words lacked real bite. He was still ornery as all get-out (as he would say), but over the years, since Miranda, the impossible – according to the rest of the crew – had happened: he and River had reached an understanding.

With Zoe's increasing girth, and later, gurgling copper-haired infant in tow, Mal had had to reluctantly concede that River was needed when they went out on task. That, in fact, she was one of the best assets they had with her ability to Read the room and capacity for controlled stunning violence. (One of the few good things to come out of Miranda was that hard-won control. Imperfect, but present.) Much to everyone's surprise, Jayne had accepted this with a minimum of bitching and complaining about liabilities and crazy moonbrains, and then seamlessly accommodated River's presence on the team.

He had quickly learnt to use her as a barometer for trouble ("Crazy's better than a gorram bloodhound when it comes to scenting a job 'bout to go bad", he'd commented once). Over time, they had developed a sort of language of their own – a shorthand of words and gestures when they were in a tight spot, or looking to deceive, or even amused by someone's stupidity.

Like she once had with Serenity's engine, its humming sound cradling and comforting, River sought the mercenary's company more and more.

Spinning, twisting, whirling spirals… A vortex sucking her in. Spiralling down, down, down… That had been River's life for so long, her reality both physical and mental. River had had enough of circles, of circular thinking, of no way out, to last a lifetime.

Jayne thought in lines – wonderful, straightforward lines.

Being around him made things simpler, made River feel simpler. Being around another weapon made River feel like just a girl.

Want, take, have.

That was Jayne's way.

If he was hungry, he ate.

If he was angry, he punched.

If he was lusty… Well.

And if he was asked a question, so long as there wasn't money involved, he gave an honest answer.

Usually.

"I tole you – you kiss 'em on the mouth you end up like Mal: unconscious, possibly butt-naked, with all yer worldly goods snuck out from under you."

"Statistically unlikely – that poison is rare. It only grows on three planets in the known 'verse. Tell another story, Jayne." River's tone was wry.

Jayne was silent, looking belligerent.

River smiled – his thoughts were screaming loud. The shape of them and colour, if not the actual words (River got a better Reading with physical touch). Right now they were a mushrooming cloud of deep pink.

Jayne was embarrassed.

Touched by his emotions, River regressed a little: "The girl won't judge the boy – the girl is just curious. The girl promises not to tell the others nor make fun after the boy has told."

"It's on accounta my Ma," Jayne suddenly blurted.

River waited, then prompted: "What did your mother say?"

"She said that kissin'… kissin' is special. That when you kiss a girl, you make a gift of yer heart and you take hers. That it's a promise 'tween the two of you. She said I should never kiss a girl 'less I was willin' to keep that promise." He glared at River as though daring her to mock him. "I ain't never broken a promise to my Ma, and I ain't about to start now."

River smiled. "It's a good promise to keep." She rolled on her side until she was tucked up against him, cheek resting on his bicep, head nestling in the curve of his neck, contentedly breathing the well-known scent of leather and dust, and the earthy tang that was Jayne's alone. Like the unwavering beat of his heart, like the streamlined nature of his thoughts, it calmed her, grounded her, kept the buzzing, jagged thoughts at bay.

Used to this move from her, Jayne retained his pose, arms tucked under his head, gazing up at the night sky.

They lay in companionable silence. Those well-honed muscles were relaxed for once, firm but pliant beneath her head. Drowsing and off-guard, an errant thought from Jayne, razor-sharp in its skin-to-skin clarity suddenly resounded in River's mind.

_I wouldn't mind kissin' River_

River froze in surprise.

Deliberately pushing her senses out more, she probed at Jayne's thoughts (this was the height of bad manners and not a step that River would usually take, but on this occasion – she borrowed from Jayne's vernacular since Core idioms didn't do justice to her feelings – _it ruttin' well warranted it_). But all she could pick up was the warm, steady blue he always gave off in her presence, deepened with drowsy contentment, and swirling through it in purple curlicues... wistfulness? Why was he feeling wistful?

River exhaled in frustration, her breath whispering over his upturned face. And that was when she saw it.

A sudden shaft of deep, crimson red.

Desire.

Even as she watched, it sank back down again, sublimated into the blue. The purple briefly increased, but dissipated.

River blinked in surprise, heart beginning to race, muscles tightening with sudden tension.

Always attuned to River's body language, Jayne spoke in a rumbling burr: "Y'alright, River-girl?"

River was not alright. River's heart was pounding and her thoughts were careening. She hadn't felt this disorientated in a long time.

She sat up, and Jayne followed suit, a slight frown of concern drawing his brows together.

"Y'alright, Moonling? You hearin' somethin'… bad?" The word "Miranda" hung unspoken in the air, its memories heavy.

River almost laughed wildly at the irony of that question.

"Not bad, not bad… just... new. Brand new data. The girl must assimilate. The boy needs to be silent so the girl can assimilate!" She spoke a little desperately, fingers rubbing at her temples.

Jayne muttered to himself, but obediently went quiet; she could feel soft spikes of anxiety coming off him in waves, along with frustration at being commanded to silence. A few swearwords slipped through; angry orange shards.

It was too much, too much to assimilate. River began unconsciously wringing her hands.

Jayne's hands gripped them, halting their frenzied movement.

She felt the steady throb of his heart through their joined fingers and saw the bright worry in his searing blue eyes. "River, do you need me to get yer brother?"

It was a mark of his concern that he even suggested this. He always objected vociferously the few times Simon proposed that River might benefit from a soother. He had been her most vocal supporter when she had declared she didn't need drugs any more. (Of course, Jayne-speak meant that this had run along the lines of "Ruttin' hell, Doc. Moonbrain don't need none of that chemical _go se_ no more – all it seems to do is make her more crazy anyhow – and less aware that she's bein' so. To my way of thinkin', I'd rather she was right in the head when she decided to attack me.")

"River?" Jayne asked again, worry creeping up a notch.

River didn't answer. Kneeling before Jayne, hands enfolded in his, she stared into his eyes.

Her mind, her greatest tool, her greatest weakness, continued to assimilate all available data, even as her body, her greatest weapon, her greatest downfall, began to respond to Jayne's proximity and to his touch.

Jayne was her champion; Jayne was her partner in crime; Jayne was her mainstay.

Jayne's eyes were so blue; Jayne's hands were so strong; Jayne's body was so beautiful.

Jayne grounded her, steadied her, untangled her.

The touch of Jayne's skin was warming comfort; the touch of Jayne's skin was rousing fire.

Jayne pushed her, stretched her, challenged her.

When she was sad, it was Jayne she sought out.  
When she was amused, it was Jayne she shared the joke with.  
When she was tense, it was Jayne she sparred with.

When she was anxious – when she was lucid – when she was_ fēng diān – _when she was bored – when she was joyful – when she was fed-up.

All algorithms led to Jayne.

All the thoughts, all the data, condensed, simplified, consolidated.

Jayne was hers.

She was his.

This was not brand new – they just hadn't known it.

They had exchanged hearts without ever realising it.

It was time to seal the promise.

With hands still joined and heart rock-steady, River leant forward and pressed her lips to his.

Shocked silver flared through Jayne's thoughts, illuminating the steadfast blue in radiant coruscating sparks. The briefly glimpsed crimson suddenly blazed into vibrant life, expanding, consuming; a fiery inferno.

A solitary thought came through, perfect in its singularity, yet heavy with multi-layered meaning.

_MINE__  
_

River had just enough time to wonder at the beauty of it, the strength of it, then Jayne pulled her into his arms and escalated the kiss to fierce, hungry joy.

At which point, River ceased to think at all.

* * *

**A/N"Want, take, have" is a line from episode 14 of the third season of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, another wonderful Joss Whedon creation.**

**Glossary:**

**___fēng diān_ – insane**

_**gǒu shǐ – **_**s**t**


	6. The Favour

**The Favour**

Asking a favour from someone who's screaming at you is never easy. Asking a favour from someone who's screaming at you while the whole ruttin' crew looks on is even harder.

Jayne picked out a few words from the Doc's enraged ranting and reflexively responded, his voice a threatening growl.

"I ain't never sexed up River! I ain't never even tried!"

Simon was torn between mistrust and relief. "Then… what are you talking about? You said you had 'feelings' for River." His tone traced the words with disbelief and disgust. "There's only one part of your ape body that has feelings towards a woman, and it's not your heart!"

Zoe's mouth twisted in distaste, while Mal's was set in a grim line, hand still resting on the gun holstered at his side, as it had since the whole sorry conversation had started.

Noticing this, Jayne's voice became slightly panicked. "We kissed, that's all. I swear!"

"You _kissed_?" Kaylee practically combusted with shocked excitement. "Jayne, you don't never kiss. Not on the mouth leastwise… What's gotten into yer?"

Zoe was amused; Mal and Simon were not, as evidenced by their both shooting to their feet, their expressions screaming "AIRLOCK!".

Actually, Mal's expression screamed "AIRLOCK!"; Simon was just too busy screaming.

Zoe stepped between Mal and Jayne; Kaylee performed the same service with Simon, trying to soothe him.

For a Core boy, Simon had quite the swearin' repertoire, Jayne noted, with the sort of detachment that comes from mind-numbing panic.

Zoe's calm voice cut through the din. "What I don't understand, Jayne, is why you'd tell us about it. Granted you ain't the shiniest piece of silverware in the drawer, but you have finely tuned instincts for self-preservation." She paused, eyes boring into him. "So, why you suddenly turned all-fired suicidal?"

Jayne's sharp exhalation was accompanied by a very ripe swearword. "I tole yer – I'm tryin' to do this right. River's father ain't around – thought about askin' Mal, but Simon's her closest kin…." He realised he was mumbling and drew in a breath, before turning back to the Doc. "You're the one who needs to give… permission."

Simon had been frowning in mounting bewilderment, but at Jayne's last word, pushed out from behind a cloud of mortification, his jaw dropped open in sudden comprehension:

"_You want to marry River_?!"

Just hearin' the words out loud almost made Jayne bolt.

Then a small hand crept into his, squeezing encouragement, eyes shining with love and trust. She had been standing by his side throughout, unflinching and chin proudly raised. But she hadn't spoken, knowing this was Jayne's battle to fight.

His beautiful, shiny x_iōng_ _can sha shǒu_. She could floor him with a look just as easily as she could floor him with a kick. Not quite knowing which it would be was part of the reason he'd long since realised she was the only girl he could contemplate settlin' down with. His _fēng diān bǎo bèi_. As always, he became lost in her eyes, those deep, hypnotisin' eyes. Jayne drew strength from what he saw there.

The words that emerged weren't just an answer – an acknowledgement of Simon's correct understanding – they were a pledge. A promise.

A vow.

"I do."

River beamed. "You may kiss the groom."

And standing on her tip-toes, that's exactly what she did.

* * *

**Glossary:**

**_bǎo bèi_– darling**

**_fēng diān _– crazy**

**_xiōng_ _can sha shǒu_ - ass-kicking killer**


	7. Quid Pro Quo

**A/N This one turned out rather long too! But I still like it in this collection. On another note, in the last twelve days, I have written ten Rayne fics, and I stayed up until 4.30am writing this one... I may need some sort of intervention :)**

* * *

** Quid Pro Quo**

The crew of Serenity looked up from their card game as Jayne's angry shout rang out, echoing through the ship.

"Looks like River's teasin' Jayne again," Zoe commented placidly, one hand holding her cards whilst the other curved protectively round baby Hoby sleeping in his sling.

"Looks like," Mal agreed, not even looking up.

The next thing they knew, River came flying down the hall, past were they were sitting in the dining room, and out the other side. Moments later, Jayne came barrelling after her, still bellowing.

"Jayne seems awful mad," Kaylee remarked.

Simon patted her hand. "Don't worry – the ape is too slow for my _mei-mei. _He'll never catch her."_  
_

"Unless she wants to be caught," Zoe murmured. But nobody heard.

* * *

"Give it back, Crazy!" Jayne's tone was threatening. "Give it _back!"_

Scrambling up the catwalk, River held the prized possession just out of reach.

Jayne made a futile leap from the cargo bay floor; River immediately raised her arm so that he just missed.

Jayne paused, considering his options. He could race up to the catwalk and try to corner the _fēng diān _moonbrain there, but chances were she'd just leap down 'fore he could. And even if he _did _happen to catch her, she had all those tricksy combat skills up her sleeve... not to mention several knives as well. Once upon a time it might have galled to hafta be wary of a slip of a girl, to admit that she might best him hand-to-hand, but after Miranda, Jayne didn't have it in him to be embarrassed. Anyone who could take on a peck of gorram _Reavers _and live to tell the tale was worthy of some careful handlin'. In the right frame of mind, the girl was most likely the best ruttin' weapon in the known 'verse.

Didn't mean she weren't a total brat at times, though. At this point, River smiled smugly and tenderly settled the object of their argument on her head. Jayne scowled, both at the sight of the orange hat his Ma had knit real special just for him on River's head, and at the possible implication that she was Reading his thoughts. The timin' of that action had been a mite pat.

"Alrigh', Crazy" he growled. "You had yer fun. You gonna give me my hat back now?"

River shook her head. "Quid pro quo."

Jayne scowled again. "Wha...?"

"You can't get somethin' fer nothin'." She slipped into a Rim accent, then back out again. "You can only gain the object of your desire by proffering something of equal or greater value."

Jayne's expression was wary. "What do you want?"

A smile stretched River's mouth wide. "A topper for a kiss."

Jayne looked baffled. "Say wha'?"

River pouted. "Wordplay is squandered on Serenity's denizens. No copper this time – no thirty pieces of silver – in lieu, a simple trade: the girl will give the topper," she flicked one of the hat's earflaps, making Jayne's nostrils flare, "in exchange for a kiss. On the mouth," she added, in case it wasn't clear.

Jayne's jaw dropped. "Are you _crazy?"_

"Last test was inconclusive. The girl has journeyed far since Miranda, but..." she trailed off with an expressive "Who knows?" air that chilled Jayne's blood.

"Don't make no difference, anyhow," Jayne said decisively. "I don't kiss on the mouth. And I sure as hell ain't kissing a gorram child! Mal would shoot me straight out the airlock 'fore the spit even dried on my lips."

River wrinkled her nose, but any hopes Jayne might have that his turn of phrase had put her off faded with her next words.

"The girl is nineteen, ergo the girl is not a child." She paused, head cocked. "Would it help if she started to refer to herself as 'the woman'?"

Jayne harrumphed at that, but was inwardly surprised. Nineteen? When had that happened? Sure, now he looked more close he could see River seemed a mite older than when she'd first stumbled out the box... but then, River had always had a strange trick of seemin' older than her years one moment, then like a gorram toddler the next. (She still hadn't mastered eatin' Ice Planets.)

Jayne suddenly realised his silence had been fatal: in those few short seconds, River's face had lit up, and she'd sat down on the catwalk as if about to jump down to him.

Jayne leapt back, hands defensively raised. "No, no, no! You could be forty, and the answer'd still be no!"

River glowered at him, then her expression cleared. "Okay." She shrugged; she got back to her feet. "The woman can respect Jayne's choices." Jayne watched her warily; her expression was practically angelic – that tended to be when she was at her most dangerous. But even with his senses on alert, he was still taken by surprise when River suddenly dashed along the catwalk in the opposite direction from him. Cursing, he scrambled up the stairs after her.

They raced back past the crew. Jayne had just enough time to hear Simon's smug "Told you", then the chase took him out of earshot.

He lost her somewhere between the dining room and the bridge. There were a limited number of places for River to go, so Jayne figured his chances were good of catchin' up to her – then he remembered how River had somehow managed to avoid a _hún dàn_ bounty hunter for hours, at which point he cursed and redoubled his efforts.

He had reached the crew dorms, and River was nowhere to be seen. She musta doubled back on him and used the other stairwell back down to the lower deck! Retracing his steps with a snarl, he finally spotted her on the cargo bay floor; a reversal of their earlier positions. She was standing still, smiling up at him; there was no sign of the hat.

Jayne paused, senses jangling. His eyes snapped round, trying to find the trap he could feel with every nerve in his body.

"Where's my hat?"

River's lips quirked and glanced at the door over her shoulder. It was the door to the airlock.

Jayne howled and shot down the last few steps till he was standing in front of her. He froze as River's finger positioned itself over a certain button he knew all too well. "Don't you dare!"

"She won't." River's words were supremely smug. "If he sticks to the terms. Quid pro quo!" she practically sang.

Jayne licked his lips. "You can't be serious."

River just raised an eyebrow at him.

"Look, girl." Jayne tried to keep the desperation out of his voice. "You don't wanna kiss me – you want a nice Core boy who'll... who'll treat you right and... and... buy you, er, ribbons and stuff!"

River's answering look could have written volumes on Jayne's stupidity. "The woman never meets any Core boys. The Captain and her brother won't let Rim boys anywhere near her. She cannot kiss the Captain or her brother – that leaves Jayne." She sounded cheerful about this conclusion.

Jayne tried again. "You don't wanna kiss me!" he repeated. "Nasty ape-man – remember?"

The appraising look she gave him, moving her eyes slowly up and down his frame, made his own widen with panicked indignation.

"Simians have their positive points."

"Gorramit, Crazy!" Jayne was just about ready to stamp the floor like a gorram tearful girl. "This is blackmail!"

River shrugged, apparently totally unconcerned. "Quid pro quo," she said again.

"Ruttin' hell!" he muttered. He weighed things up in his mind. A few moments of discomfort kissin' Moonbrain and riskin' bein' flushed out the airlock, or havin' to face his Ma and explain he'd lost the hat she spent four months knittin'...

There was no contest.

Drawing a deep breath for courage, he leant forward and quickly touched his lips to River's. He'd tried to plump for the briefest of pecks on the lips, hoping she'd be satisfied. He was bitterly disappointed but unsurprised when River pursed her lips and regarded him with ticked-off disapproval. "She said she's a woman, not a grandmother. Kiss me properly, Jayne." Her tone managed to promise all kinds of threats if he didn't, but he still couldn't quite make himself step forward and do as she asked. Somethin' about this whole set-up had Jayne jumpy as a cat.

Jayne wasn't used to bein' hunted. He was the one in charge when it came to women – he decided when and who, and paid them well for their troubles. He liked it that way. Simple, straightforward fun. He wasn't used to the female dictatin' the terms, takin' charge. Least of all a _guài dàn _who was missin' half a brain and apparently could kill him with the remaining half. She was so... calm about the whole thing.

Jayne mighta accepted she could best him at hand-to-hand, but this? This was pouring lemon juice on the cut, and he resented it.

"Just stand still," she commanded. "The woman will do the rest."

"Ruttin' hell," he groaned, but obediently closed his eyes.

River's voice was amused. "The boy is cute when he blushes."

Now that was takin' things too far! Jayne's eyes shot open, mouth opening too, to make clear just how much exception he took to that statement, but any protestations were cut off as River's arms twined round his neck and her mouth pressed to his.

Jayne's eyes bulged, but he managed not to bolt. His hands fluttered, uncertain where to be. In the end they settled in the dip of her waist, a small part of his mind noting how finely made Crazy was – like a china doll – his hands almost spanning her middle. But this china doll was warm and soft and pliant beneath his hands. Her petal-soft lips moved inexpertly against his. Against his better judgement and wishes, his body was starting to respond.

Jayne hadn't kissed a woman in a long while, but apparently it was like ridin' a horse – you never really forgot – and no sooner had you got a filly underneath you again, it was all you could do not to go hell for leather. Jayne's hands flexed against River's waist, but he managed to keep a lid on his thoughts. Kissin' was... nice. He'd forgotten how good it felt just to have a woman in his arms and hold her close. Take in her scent – jasmine – and trace her body... wait? What? Jayne just managed to snatch his hands back from where they had started to caress River's sides. Shocked, he pulled his head back.

River sighed. Her lips were slightly swollen, and her glazed eyes were even larger than usual. She wet her lips. Whether from instinct or 'cos they felt dry, he didn't know, but her tongue poked out to lick them, and just like that Jayne's control broke.

With a growl, his hands shot out and pulled her in, closer than she had been before, mouldin' her body to his so he could feel every shiny curve of her. One hand found its way into her long, dark hair and fisted there, holding her in place so that he could do what he wanted: kiss her senseless.

River gasped as his mouth crashed down on hers, firmer and more demanding than before. She tentatively matched him at first, then grew bolder, tugging on the short hairs on the back of his neck, as she sought to bring him closer. She tasted like purest spring water and honey. Jayne felt dazed.

Figured the gorram genius would be just as good at kissin' as everythin' else.

Determined not to let the student surpass the master, he backed her up against the door, arms either side of her head, tongue darting out to dip between her lips. River's head snapped back in startlement, lightly smacking the glass behind her. He paused, looking into her eyes, ready to move back if it was too much for her. Her eyes were so dark, they appeared black in the dim lighting, but he could see no fear in them. Instead, she stepped forward into his embrace, cupped her hands round his face, and lovingly traced the shape of his mouth with her tongue.

_Ta me de_, she was a fast learner!

Jayne found himself groaning, and the kiss shifted once more, turning tender, but no less intense. It was as if he'd been starvin' his lips all this time, and all of a sudden they had been presented with the most delicious, perfect banquet imaginable. He didn't want it to stop...

He could kiss River forever.

Jayne froze on this thought. What...?

Horrified, he jumped away from her. River's ivory skin was delicately flushed and she was panting lightly. Mutely, she raised her arms out to him. "Jayne..." she breathed. To his horror, he felt himself leaning towards her again.

Was she a gorram witch on top of everythin' else?!

Clearly, she couldn't be trusted! Or he couldn't be trusted around her... Whatever it was, there was no trustin' to be had! All he knew was, if he stared at her much longer, he'd be lost all over again. So, Jayne did the only thing thing he could think of – something that would haunt him in his bunk for many days to come, causin' him to blush like a ruttin' pansy: he turned and ran.

* * *

Bracing her wayward legs, which no longer seemed fully capable of holding her weight, River stood upright and tried to calm her racing heart. Depressing the button to release the door, she retrieved the hat from the airlock then brought it up to her nose, inhaling deeply; enjoying its distinctive scent. It was almost as good as smelling it on Jayne's skin.

Almost.

Her pulse picked up again, and a smile flickered about her mouth. "A topper for a heart," she whispered.

She loved quid pro quo.

* * *

**A/N 2 The layout of the ship for this and other fics is taken from Joss Whedon and Carey Meyer's sketch of Serenity, which can be found on the Wikipedia entry wiki/Serenity_(Firefly_vessel)#Interior**

**Glossary:**

_**fēng diān – **_crazy

**_hún dàn – _**bastard

**_mei-mei – _**little sister

_**ta ma de –** f***!_


	8. Educating River

**A/N Okay, I'm changing the description for this fic to 'unrelated one-shots and ficlets' ****_– _none of these stories are short enough to be drabbles! This one is for Irishbrneyes. Hope you enjoy :)**

* * *

**Educating River**

"The girl doesn't know what she is doing. She knows how to be a weapon; she doesn't know how to be a girl. She needs your help. She… _I_ don't want to look a fool."

River'd called herself "I", Jayne noted; a sure sign that she felt strongly about what she was saying.

They were docked on Sihnon, where Inara was visiting family. After Miranda, Serenity could now hazard the occasional Core planet visit, though they tended to keep a low profile whilst there, touching down in unpopulated areas and using the Mule to get in and out of town.

Since she had ceased to be a Companion and taken up with Serenity full-time, Inara's family were rather less pleased to see her, but they still accepted her visits, and whilst home, Inara took the opportunity to catch up with old family friends.

Which is what had set the fox among the hens.

Following supper with one such family, Inara had returned to Serenity and announced she'd arranged for River to go to dinner with the youngest son. Simon had protested, been worn down, then insisted on meeting with the family first – until Kaylee and Zoe intervened, pointing out he was incapable of seeing straight when it came to River, and therefore incapable of giving a fair assessment of the boy in question. In the end, Simon had agreed to allow Zoe and Mal to vet the boy in his place – inwardly calculating that Mal was almost as protective of River as he was, and there were few things in the 'verse more perceptive or more scary than Zoe.

They had returned and okayed the engagement (after Zoe leant her full weight on Mal's foot), and within a few minutes of the announcement, River had gone looking for her favourite mercenary.

She found him in his bunk, polishing his grenades.

"I don't know _go se _'bout bein' a girl nor about dates. You need to talk to 'Nara or Kaylee." Jayne gave her a dismissive look. Which River blithely ignored, as always.

She shook her head slightly, looking a little mischievous. "They cannot help with this."

Jayne was instantly suspicious. "Why not?"

"Because Kaylee would not want to, and Inara is no longer a Companion to be purchased for such things," River replied matter-of-factly.

Jayne stopped polishing as her words sunk in. "Wait? Wha'...? What are you sayin', Moonbrain?"

"She is saying that she is going to dinner tonight, with a boy, and doesn't know what to do. She is saying she has never kissed someone. She is saying she wants Jayne to teach her how to kiss."

The sound that emerged from Jayne came perilously close to a squeak: "Are you _crazy_, Crazy?! I can't do that!"

"Why not?"

"Crazy," Jayne paused, relieved to hear this time his voice had come out at a manlier register, "you know I don't kiss girls on the mouth. Ask someone else."

"There is no one else – everyone else's mouths are ineligible or full."

Jayne shook his head. "You know what your brother would do to me if he knew I'd kissed yer? Or Mal? Or Zoe **********–** _w__o de ma_! You wanna see me spaced?"

River shook her head in return. "Of course not. But Jayne is the only one who can help. She promises to keep it a secret."

"Uh-uh. Nope. Hell, no," Jayne enunciated.

"Please, Jayne. Please?" River's eyes were huge in her pretty doll face.

Gorramit, there oughta be some kinda law 'gainst females havin' eyes that big'n deep. Of course, Jayne couldn't recollect any other ladies of his acquaintance having quite the same effect when they looked at him. But then, every other female he knew was either woman or girl; innocent or not. River was some strange hybrid of them all, which left him not quite knowing how to deal with her… or think of her.

River wasn't exactly a child no more. She was comin' up nineteen, and he'd met some eighteen-year-olds over the years who were old as sin. But they were generally Rim boys or girls, hardened by their circumstances. River was… different.

Helpless as a lamb and a savage ass-kicking killer. _Zhen de shi tian cai _and as canny as kitten. And then there was the small matter of the life debt he owed her. Jayne wasn't one for rememberin' his debts too well, but that one was hard to deny. He'd've been long-digested Reaver meat, if it weren't for her. Hard to say no, under those circumstances.

"Alrigh', River-girl," he surrendered.

The radiant look of joy on her face almost overcame his misgivings. After a few seconds, however, she glanced round the room looking uncertain. "Should she... should sit?" She gestured towards the bed.

"No!" Jayne almost yelped. "Er, no. Best we stay standin'." He wasn't sure if he could cope with havin' River on his actual bed. Just the thought of it did strange things to his brain. 'Sides, if anyone came in there was a slim chance he'd be allowed to live if they were still standin'. Any whiff of beds and he'd be choking on space air. Or lack of.

River obediently remained standing and looked at him, head cocked.

"Okay," Jayne said, mostly to himself. Wiping suddenly moist hands on his pants, he stepped forward until they were toe to toe. River gazed trustfully at him. "First thing you gotta know about kissin' is that it's a dance."

"A dance?" River smiled. "The girl is good at dancing."

"Not that kinda dance, River. But it _is_ about matching your partner. Takin' turns pressing forward and pushing back. But we'll get to that."

Jayne wasn't really used to being the person someone looked to for advice – he was just the muscle, called upon when needed. He decided he rather liked bein' the expert, 'specially with a gorram genius like River. There were few things in the 'verse he was better at than her. But this was one of 'em.

"Okay. I think it's best if we just get you used to havin' someone that close before we start touchin' mouths." He leant towards her, bringing his face within inches of hers, until he felt her warm breath huffing against his lips. Jayne found himself swallowing. "How's that?" he asked.

River nodded. "The girl is fine." She breathed in. "The boy smells nice."

Jayne realised he was blushin' like a gorram girl. "Er, thanks. I just had a shower."

River's lips quirked in a smile. "He should do that more often."

Brat was teasin' him! Enough was enough – time to take control. Leaning in, he touched his lips to her and allowed one two, three seconds to pass before pulling back.

River's eyelids were fluttering. "How was that, Moonling?"

"Strange…" she replied, in a dreamy tone. "But nice."

Jayne felt ridiculously pleased. "Alrigh'. We'll try again. I'm gonna do it a little longer now, okay?" She nodded her understanding. Jayne moved in again, and this time brushed his lips back and forth over hers. River sighed into his mouth, hands coming to rest on his shoulders, as Jayne felt a current of electricity run down his spine. "Good." He cleared his throat. "That's good."

"Again," River said, leaning into him. Jayne was happy to oblige. This time he gently cupped her face, marvelling at the softness of her skin. River made an unconscious humming noise as he did so, leaning into his hands as he kissed her. A slow burn of heat started building in his stomach.

The third time they kissed, River kissed him back. Slowly and uncertainly, but her lips moved against his. Jayne's pulse kicked up several notches. River was pushing back against him now, arms curling round his neck, pressing her body into his. Without thinking, his hands shifted to her waist, pulling her sharply against him.

All of a sudden, River bit down on his lower lip and tugged in a move Jayne felt down to his toes. He jerked his head back.

_"__Gorramit_, girl! Where'd you learn to do that?!"

River looked shamefaced. "I'm sorry – it felt natural. Was the girl wrong to do so?"

"No – no." Jayne tried to calm his racing heart. "No, that's… good. I just weren't expectin' you to pick things up so quick." River was still looking worried, so he reassured her. "It's fine, River. It felt… good. I was just surprised."

She tentatively smiled. "Does Jayne want to do it to her?" she asked, hopefully.

Yes, Jayne ruttin' did it.

After several more minutes of kissing, Jayne decided River was ready to try tongues. In fact, he suspected if he didn't bring them in, _she _would. (Gorram genius girl was apparently a natural at _everythin'_.) Besides, if he were honest, he wanted to see what she tasted like (was desperate to see).

He ran his tongue along her full lower lip, feeling a smug triumph when she gasped reflexively, opening her mouth. He deepened the kiss, almost sighing with delight.

She tasted fresh and sweet, like cool water after a long ride. River made a tiny involuntary noise and swayed further into him. Her hands started roving his body, running down his chest and caressing his stomach, making the muscles there contract. Jayne sucked in air and lifted her up to her toes, kisses becoming increasingly urgent.

He found himself eyeing the bed over her shoulder, seriously contemplating nudging her backwards 'til they were both lying down.

At that point, he realised he was out of control. He broke the kiss, holding River back from him by her shoulders.

It took a few seconds for her liquid eyes to come back into focus; she was flushed, her breathing shallow and her lips distractingly swollen. When she refocused, she broke into a smile.

"You are so good at it!" she grinned. "Why do you not kiss on the mouth more? It seems a shame for Jayne not to do something he is so good at!"

On this occasion, Jayne was inclined to agree; in fact, he was hard pushed to remember why he didn't kiss the whole day long. His gaze travelled towards the bed again… No! Getta grip!

River was still talking. "Thank you, Jayne. The girl feels much better now; she is looking forward to her date!"

Jayne's stomach muscles suddenly clenched again. "Sure… yeah. The date. Have… have fun."

She grinned again. "She will!" She scampered up the ladder and out of sight, leaving Jayne to slowly slump on his bed, wondering why his stomach felt so hollow.

* * *

"All I'm sayin' is, you shouldn't let her go! Anythin' could happen to her!" Jayne was growing angry.

"Jayne!" Kaylee hissed at him. "What the heck are you doin'? I finally got Simon all convinced s'okay for him to let River go, and here you go gettin' him all fired up again! Quit it! What's gotten into you?"

"River's too innocent to be goin' on dates! What if this _hun dan _takes advantage of her? Zoe, Mal – you've met him. Back me up here!"

Zoe was deadpan. "He's right, sir. The _hun da__n _called me ma'am and held the door open, and he's at least 150 pounds – anything could happen."

"See?" Jayne said forcefully… then scowled at Zoe.

"Jayne, it ain't my business what River does, and it sure as hell ain't yours," Mal said, with a blithe disregard for the past two years. "If anyone has a right to speak against it, it's her kin, and he said yes."

Simon looked as though he was beginning to regret this decision, but Kaylee smiled brilliantly at the Captain in gratitude and swept Simon away. She had already revealed that they were going out for the evening (the other side of town from where River would be, she'd added in an undertone to Zoe), saying he'd wear a hole in the deck from constant pacin', if she didn't.

With the departure of River's brother, Jayne was left without any allies. He cast around in his mind for any other reasons why River shouldn't go, but was interrupted by someone clearing their throat.

The remaining crew of Serenity looked up to see River entering the dining room; Inara was hovering behind with a proud smile on her face.

The crew were speechless. Inara had loaned River a long sleeveless gown in deep bronze with an amber sash; she had curled River's hair and piled it high on her head and made up her face exquisitely.

River was beyond beautiful.

Without another word, Jayne stomped out the room, heading for his bunk.

* * *

Jayne was tetchy all evening. He couldn't settle.

He tried lifting weights and nearly crushed himself when he overloaded the chest press in his distraction. He tried cleaning his guns – something which never failed to soothe him – and tipped oil all over his sheets. He found himself in the kitchen eating protein straight from the can. (Which earned him some funny looks from Zoe.)

Over and over again, his thoughts whirled: 'Nara had no call dressin' her up that way. It made her look older, more experienced than she actually was. What if the _hun dan _took advantage? Besides, he rather liked the way her hair fell when it was loose, like a dark waterfall… Like a river! See? That meant that was how she was s'posed to wear it! Meddlin' _m__eh lian duh jyah ji_. And her great big eyes didn't need any of that black _go se _round 'em to make 'em stand out – they did that all on their own. And those full soft lips didn't need any gorram paint on 'em neither. River was fine as she was. More than fine.

In the end, he made his way to the cargo bay and sat down on the steps with Vera, assembling and reassembling her over and over.

Finally, at nine o'clock, the doors to the cargo bay opened and River came in, humming softly to herself.

"Where've you been?" Jayne barked.

River paused, looking confused. "With the Core boy – Jayne knows this."

"Jayne didn't know you was gonna come back so gorram late!"

"The agreed time with the Captain was ten o'clock – the girl is early, not late."

"Oh." Jayne tried to calm himself down. "So… how was it?"

He couldn't read River's expression to his deep frustration. "It was nice."

"And?" He barely stopped short from a demand.

"And… what?"

"Did he kiss you?"

"Yes."

_Gorramit!_

Jayne found himself turning back to his gun, fingers working quickly to disassemble it again; hands needing something to do. It was either that or huntin' that ruttin' boy down and puttin' them round his scrawny neck!

"Jayne," River's hand was soft on his shoulder, her tone even softer.

"What?" he said out the corner of his mouth, refusing to look up.

"She will not see the boy again."

Jayne's heart started pounding with sudden hope. "She won't?"

"No."

"Why not?" He kept his eyes on what his hands were doing, determinedly not meeting her gaze.

Next thing he knew, River was tilting his face up and those soft rose lips were exactly where he wanted them to be. A few glorious minutes later, she released him.

"When he kissed her she realised, she doesn't want the boy; she wants the man. I want you, Jayne." Her expression turned fierce. "_Dong le ma_?"

"Dong ma," he beamed. And pulled her into his arms.

* * *

**Glossary:**

**_Dong le ma? _****_– _****are we clear?**  


_******Dong**_****** ma ************_– _we're clear**

_**********Go se ******__****__– s**t_

**_Hun dan – _bastard**

**_Meh lian duh jyah ji – _shameless hussy**

_**********Wo de**_**********_ ma_ – mother of God**

**********************_Zhen de shi tian cai _************– ************an absolute genius**


	9. Kiss Me

**A/N Thank you so much to everyone who has reviewed - it really gives me a lift, and I have to say, it's often what inspires me to start writing again. **

**This one sort of took me by surprise. It's a song fic; I've never done one before, never really had the urge. But the song was in my head – Kiss Me by Ed Sheeran – and then it kind of wrote itself... Had it in my head the whole time writing it. I think it works... Hope you agree :-)**

**Full lyrics and Mandarin translations can be found at the bottom.**

* * *

**Kiss Me**

Jayne hated hearin' River cry. Before Miranda, he didn't much care what the Moonbrain felt, long as she stayed far, far away. Creepy _fēng __diān__ guàirén_. So hearin' her cries at night had only bothered when they disturbed his sack time.

After Miranda, he figured it'd stop.

After Miranda, he started carin' that it hadn't.

Gorram life debts.

He figured finally gettin' that _go __se _the Alliance had put in her head out mighta stopped the nightmares, and the tears. 'Stead, they seemed to grow worse. Moonling said it was the price she paid for "unclouded reality", said it was a price worth payin'. Refused the drugs that the Doc still offered. She weren't the only one who paid that price, though; what with their bunks bein' side by side. And now that Simon bunked with Kaylee, he didn't always hear her cries.

So, here he was. Two in the gorram mornin' and wide awake, listenin' to the best ruttin' _lì qì_ the 'verse'd ever known cryin' like her heart would break. It was the third night runnin', and Jayne couldn't take it no more. He got up.

_Settle down with me  
Cover me up  
Cuddle me in  
Lie down with me  
Hold me in your arms_

River loved crying. For so long it had been an emotion denied to her. A weapon could not be emotive or empathetic; a weapon should not feel. Clinical hands affixing neural dampeners to disengage her from emotion… until they thought they had found a more permanent solution and sliced through her brain. Then she had felt too much; then she had felt everything. Grief without purpose; madness without love.

Since Miranda, she had learned a measure of control – erected enough barriers to compartmentalise, to distinguish between others' feelings and her own, at least in part. At nighttime she could not sustain these parameters; they seeped their way into her dreams.

Tears were a gift; an assurance that she was more than a weapon. Even if feeling the pain of so many others – Zoe's ragged grief over Wash, the jagged pieces of Mal's shattered faith, and the fury of a million dead voices from a dead planet – even if these sometimes made her sob and shake with the weeping that wracked her, tears were still a gift. After all, they had brought her her greatest blessing.

The door to her bunk opened; someone was descending the ladder. River mutely held out her arms and waited. For the third night, Jayne lay down beside her and took her in his arms.

_Your heart's against my chest  
Lips pressed to my neck  
I've fallen for your eyes  
But they don't know me yet_

Pressed against him, she felt his heartbeat like it was her own; mouth to his throat, she felt his pulse like a trembling kiss.

Three nights they had lain like this; strong arms providing a framework to cling to, until the tears cried themselves out, until she slept.

He was always gone by morning.

River pulled back a little, head tilting as she met his gaze. Even in the dim lighting, Jayne's cerulean eyes seared. (She didn't mind; she had long since accepted their branding.) They were wary, uncertain, even grudging. But his arms were rock steady.

_Settle down with me  
And I'll be your safety  
You'll be my lady_

As always, River's shakin' stopped when he held her; he could feel the wet of her tears on his neck and chest, but her cries had slowly faded away. As always, Jayne felt a strange pride that he could do that for her. For some head-scratchin' reason, she felt safe with him. Didn't make no sense – 'specially considerin' what had gone down on Ariel, but that didn't stop him feelin' proud that it was so. His arms tightened 'round her: gorram Moonbrain was a _fùdān_, but she was his burden to carry.

_I was made to keep your body warm__  
But I'm cold as the wind blows__  
So hold me in your arms_

One of the worst things about the Academy had been the cold. Before the Academy, before the Alliance, River had always run a little hot. Refusing to wear coats because they stifled her; dancing in the snow in short-sleeves. Simon had called her his _fēng __diān __xuěrén_. That sobriquet had become painfully ironic.

At the Academy, it was always cold. Ice-white walls, freezing floors, gelid liquids in her veins – River could never get warm. She grew to hate the cold, so reflective of the Alliance's inhuman indifference. When she had first emerged from the box, from total insanity, she periodically sought heat – lying between Serenity's walls, embracing the humming engine at Her heart. They were the warmest places she could find… until Jayne.

_Kiss me like you wanna be loved  
Wanna be loved  
Wanna be loved_

River's eyes told a thousand tales in a dozen languages. All of which Jayne struggled to read. But something about them made him think of golden summer days and a comforting embrace; of cooling pies on windows and fishin' with his Pa; of Vera's sleek lines and piles of pretty gold; of the soothing clink of weights and shiny, satin skin. Every longing Jayne had ever had, every good thing, at every stage of life. Inviting him, asking, promising…

His gaze fell to her lips.

_Yeah, I've been feeling everything  
From hate to love  
From love to lust  
From lust to truth  
I guess that's how I know you_

Jayne's eyes were at war. Emotions flickering back and forth, vying for dominance. River could sympathise. She had gone through the same tumultuous process the first time he had taken her in his arms.

Mistrustful of what he offered; wary since Ariel; contrite since the knife.

Surprised when the betrayer proved himself the most solid thing in her world.  
Bewildered when she realised he was her greatest comfort.  
Shaken to the core when she recognised a kindred spirit.  
Yearning with a new kind of ache when her body curled round his.

Yes, River could sympathise – it was just that she was a few steps ahead.

A few steps ahead, and unable to wait any longer.

Closing her eyes, she crossed the remaining distance between them and brought her mouth to his. For a few heart-stopping moments, Jayne was immobile with shock… then he began to kiss her back.

_This feels like I've fallen in love  
_

Hearts skipped once more, then began again in perfect unison. Limbs entwined, so that it became difficult to tell where each ended and the other began.

_Fallen in love_

The next morning, when River awoke, Jayne was still in her arms.

_I've f__allen in love_

* * *

**Kiss Me**

**Settle down with me**  
**Cover me up**  
**Cuddle me in**  
**Lie down with me**  
**Hold me in your arms**

**Your heart's against my chest**  
**Lips pressed to my neck**  
**I've fallen for your eyes**  
**But they don't know me yet**

**And the feeling I forget**  
**I'm in love now**

**Kiss me like you wanna be loved**  
**Wanna be loved**  
**Wanna be loved**

**This feels like I've fallen in love**  
**Fallen in love**  
**Fallen in love**

**Settle down with me**  
**And I'll be your safety**  
**You'll be my lady**

**I was made to keep your body warm**  
**But I'm cold, as the wind blows**  
**So hold me in your arms**

**My heart's against your chest**  
**Your lips pressed to my neck**  
**I've fallen for your eyes**  
**But they don't know me yet**

**And the feeling I forget**  
**I'm in love now**

**Kiss me like you wanna be loved**  
**Wanna be loved**  
**Wanna be loved**

**This feels like I've fallen in love**  
**Fallen in love**  
**Fallen in love**

**Yeah I've been feeling everything**  
**From hate to love**  
**From love to lust**  
**From lust to truth**  
**I guess that's how I know you**

**So hold you close**  
**To help you give it up**

**So kiss me like you wanna be loved**  
**Wanna be loved**  
**Wanna be loved**

**This feels like I've fallen in love**  
**Fallen in love**  
**Fallen in love**

* * *

**Glossary:**

_****__fēng __diān – _**crazy (adj.)**

_**fùdān – **_**burden**

**_go se _– s**t**

_**guàirén –**_** oddball**

_**lì qì**_**a – sharp weapon; effective implement; an outstandingly able individual**


	10. wǒ yě ài nǐ

**wǒ yě ài nǐ**

Dang airlock door; kept gettin' jammed. Mal had told her to "get right on it, as you never know when we'll need to stick Jayne in there". So despite havin' a hunky Core-bred doctor on hand to have her wicked way with, here she was, tendin' to a stuck door instead.

Kaylee pouted.

She couldn't sustain the slight grumpiness, though: Serenity was hers, and like any mother, she didn't like her baby to have any kind of ailment, no matter how small. 'Sides, it was pretty peaceful down here, just her and Serenity's ever-present gentle hum to keep her comp—

A_ xiǎo guǐ_ suddenly flew across the catwalk and down the stairs in a flurry of flying hair and long limbs, hotly pursued by a bellowing Jayne.

Uh-oh.

Kaylee sighed. After Miranda, after so much pain 'n grief 'n hurt, she really thought it woulda brought the whole crew together. And it had – for a time. Until Mal argued with Inara, and she left again, and until Jayne and River started fightin' like dang polecats.

In a way, Kaylee could understand it – after beating all those Reavers, she could see why someone like Jayne would feel threatened by the strength and unbelievable skill River had shown. Not that he had seemed annoyed at the time… Kaylee wasn't quite sure what he'd been feelin'. He'd just gone very quiet and stared at River a lot. A lot, a lot. Mostly with a stunned expression, though there had been something else there Kaylee couldn't quite identify.

Not too long after that, the fighting had started. In truth, it was more bickerin' like school kids than anythin' else. 'Casionally amusin', but also a right pain in the be-hind when you was tryin' to get somethin' done and a yellin' Jayne was chasin' a gigglin' River out his bunk.

So, all-in-all, this appeared to be business as usual... aside from the gun Jayne was carrying, Kaylee suddenly noticed, feeling slightly perturbed. By this time both combatants had made it down to the cargo bay floor and River had lost no time in dashing behind Kaylee, using her as a human shield.

"Uh, Jayne – what you plannin' on doin' with that?" Kaylee asked.

Jayne glanced down, then rolled his eyes. "I ain't doin' nothin' with her – I rescued her from that _fēng diān_ _zéi_! She was playin' with Vera!"

Kaylee gave River a reproving look. "Now, River, you know that ain't nice. That's like.. playin' with someone's baby." Her face scrunched up as she heard what she had just said.

River gave her a blank look. "Infants like to be played with."

"Not this infant!" Jayne roared. "They're _my _babies, and they only like to be handled by their Mama. Don't you, _xīn shàng rén_?" he crooned at the gun cradled in his arms.

River folded hers. "Jayne is ridiculous. He knows the girl is fully proficient in weapons handling and would not hurt Vera." She started to smirk. "He knows the girl is _better _at weapons handling than he is – or maybe he's forgotten target practice, and timed tests, and agility training..." She was grinning with a pleasure that bordered on the vicious.

For a second, Kaylee thought she could see steam comin' out Jayne's ears. Yikes. She moved to soothe the growlin' bear whilst wishin' River would quit pokin' him so much.

"C'mon, Jayne, don't listen to River – she's only teasin'. River's quick, sure, but she ain't as strong as you. Where would we be on jobs without that? You know we'd be lost without you." She could see her words starting to take effect, the big merc's body language relaxing… until River started singing out words like "Replaced with superior model" and "Reduuuuuuuundant!" whilst spinning around behind them.

Aw, hell.

To her lack of surprise, Jayne growled and lunged for River. She immediately broke into a run back towards the catwalk, dashing forward at startling speed. Instead of curving round to go up the stairs, however, she ran straight at it and grabbed at the rail, using the momentum she had built to fluidly swing herself round and up to the top, in a move that had both Kaylee and Jayne stopping in amazement. It was always a shock, these little flashes that reminded you just how skilled she was. River's legs curled round the top of the barrier so that she was swinging upside down, hair streaming downwards like her namesake, crossed ankles the only thing keeping her from falling to the far-off floor… and crackin' her skull like an egg.

Kaylee squeaked in horror, but Jayne… Jayne exploded like a busted compression coil.

"What the ruttin', gorram hell are you _doin'_, Crazy?! You get down at once – AT ONCE!"

River ignored him. "Inversion is beneficial, encouraging vasodilation and blood flow to the brain." Then in quite another tone: "Besides, it's fun."

"_Mǎn bù zài hu_ how much fun it is!" Jayne practically stamped his foot on the deck. "You get down here _right now_!"

"Jayne is foolish. You have seen what I can do – why would I fall?" She had slipped into the first person; she did that a lot around Jayne.

"And what if you have one of your crazy times while you're up there?" Jayne demanded hotly. "I know you're a lot better, Moonbrain, but you still ain't all there – remember last week on Persephone? With the farrier's hat? You gorram near got us all shot yankin' it off his head and stampin' on it!"

River sounded sulky. "The fedora was furry – it made the farrier furrier. Too much alliteration; not enough vowels."

With a visible effort, Jayne got his temper under control, though the sharp, curt manner in which he clipped his words revealed the anger still bubbling underneath. "Come on, River, you know I'm right."

River's upside down face appeared to be weighing its options. Then she shrugged (quite a feat when you're upside down) and unlocked her ankles. Kaylee squealed and Jayne swore. Blindly hurling Vera to the side, he shot forward at a speed Kaylee had never seen from him before. Jayne caught River before she could hit the floor, then turned her right-side-up, though apparently only so that he could suspend her by her shoulders and shake her like a rag doll. If he'd been angry before, he was gorram nuclear now.

"WHAT THE RUTTIN' HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU, YOU _FENG DIAN __SHA GUA_! YOU _FA KUANG CHUN HUO_! YOU ARE THE GORRAM BANE OF MY RUTTIN' LIFE! I SHOULDA LEFT YOU TO ROT ON ARIEL! I SHOULDA SPACED YA MYSELF!" Then, apparently, even words became too much so he leant forward and bared his teeth, roaring. "GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAH!"

Kaylee involuntarily cowered, arms flying up to shelter her head. She peeped over at River, concerned at how she might be reacting. River blinked, as if startled. She didn't seem scared though, to Kaylee's relief. _X__iōng_ _can sha shǒu_, she might be, but she was still just a girl, and a very fragile one in some ways. But, no, she seemed surprised and… intrigued. She was gazing into Jayne's eyes, head cocked as though listening to something fascinating.

Jayne was still fuming, but he hadn't put her down yet. He seemed reluctant or unable to let her go… Kaylee's brows snapped together in frowning thought.

Suddenly, River smiled and leant forward; her lips briefly and tenderly brushed his. Now Jayne dropped her, anger melting into round-eyed shock.

"Love you too, Jayne." River patted his cheek, then pirouetted off.

"That's.. that ain't what I said! That ain't what I meant!" Jayne's eyes were wide with panic and something else. "She plumb missed the point!" he spluttered.

Looking at the merc, Kaylee lips started to quirk in a smile. She couldn't help thinkin' it was Jayne that had missed it.

* * *

**Glossary:**

_********__******fā kuáng chǔn huò**__********__******– **_******************************crazy idiot**

_********__******fēng diān zéi –**_************** crazy ****************thief**

_****************__********__******fēng diān **_shǎ guā _********__******–**_****************************** crazy fool**

******__********mǎn bù zài hu –********I couldn't give a damn**

******__********xiǎo guǐ – ********little demon (endearing term of address to a child)**

___******xīn shàng rén – **_******beloved; sweetheart**

_******xiōng can sha shǒu **__****************__********__******– **_**************************************ass-kicking killer**

_******wǒ yě ài nǐ –**_******I love you, too**


	11. A Kiss with a Fist

**A/N I think my Rayne well might be running a little dry, so if you want more, you may have to offer me a prompt. I can't promise it will be any good, but I promise to have a go ;-)**

******Oh, and Irishbrneyes, I stayed up until gone 2am to finish this; I blame you for this ;-)**

******This fic is set after Objects in Space, but before the Big Damn Movie. **

* * *

**A Kiss with a Fist**

"He kissed her once before," River said.

This was the fourth day running she'd come to watch him work out. Deep, dark eyes a mystery that made his skin itch. He'd tried scaring her off, but she didn't scare so good these days. Not since her crowing victory over Early. So, in the end, he'd asked her what she wanted, figuring that giving it to her was the quickest way to get her to leave him alone.

He'd nearly dropped the dumbbell when she asked for a kiss. His response of "Hell, no!" had led to her inexplicable statement, and then a painful crick in his neck as his head jerked round to look at her.

"No, I never! You're talkin' crazy, Crazy." He manoeuvred the weight back onto its stand and stood up.

River nodded emphatically. "Did. After she set him free from the blue, he kissed her right here." She brushed her lower lip with the back of her fist. Jayne was about to vehemently refute this claim once more, when something in her words made him pause.

"What do you mean you set me free?"

"Jayne was bathed in blue – swallowing the red, swallowing the life force. The girl thought she could help him; she chose the wrong implement, but he kissed her anyway." She smiled at him shyly.

"Gorramit, girl, you talkin' 'bout when you damn near split me open with that butcher's knife? You wasn't helpin' – and I didn't kiss you! I knocked you on your ass as you ruttin' well deserved!"

River's glow slowly faded. She brushed her mouth again sadly. "A kiss with a fist is better than none," she whispered.

Jayne paused, feeling a twinge of conscience. "Girlie… that weren't no kiss. That's not what kisses are like."

River shrugged. "It's the only kiss the girl has ever received."

He scowled at her. "What about your parents – your brother?"

River shook her head. "Progenitors were always proper – maintaining proper parameters; gave life, but not love. Left its mark on Simon, too: able to love but unable to show it through tangible touch... So, the girl was glad to receive Jayne's kiss."

Now, that weren't right. Jayne felt another annoying twinge. "Well, look… that ain't what kisses are like – they're soft… and sweet... You give 'em outta love, not anger." Mostly, he silently amended, but he didn't much fancy going into an explanation of the rougher side of adult play.

River tilted her head. "Is that why Jayne won't kiss on the mouth? He doesn't love the whores?"

Jayne paused again. Gorram girl was always pickin' up things she shouldn't; too gorram perceptive for her own gorram good! Well, Jayne wasn't about to get into that kind of fluffy _gǒu shǐ._

"Jayne don't kiss on the mouth because Jayne don't want to!" He glared at her. "Jayne's business with the whores is just that – _his_ business. Kissin' is for loved up _dāi zi_ like Kaylee and your brother – if he ever pulls that stick out his _pì gu_."

River's face fell. "Then the girl will never be kissed."

"What?"

"The girl is too different – too broken. She left for the Academy too soon for kisses, and now it is too late. Jayne saw what it was like on Ariel – saw what they did to the girl. She will never be normal; she will never have normal things like kisses…" Her voice trailed off into the merest whisper; her shoulders hunched in utter defeat.

Jayne winced. Did she hafta mention Ariel? He didn't tend to have attacks of the conscience but that memory caused more than just a twinge…. He looked at River, wondering if she was trying to make him feel bad, but her doll-like face just looked indescribably sad. _Wǒ de mā_ – were those tears glistening? Ugh.

"Okay – fine!" he said.

River looked confused. "The girl doesn't understand."

"You can have one kiss – one!" He stuck a finger under her nose for emphasis. "On the condition that you don't tell no one, and you leave me be for at least a month."

River looked radiantly happy. "The terms of the contract are agreeable; the girl will not break them."

"Alrigh'," Jayne said, whilst part of him, the manly mercenary part, died a little. He stepped forward, and with much the same air as a man deliberately approaching a deadly snake, wound one arm round River's trim waist. She felt wonderfully warm, her long, lean body slotting perfectly inside his embrace like it was made for her. At that moment, some instinct, some vein of self-preservation, warned him to get the hell outta there. He hesitated.

But then River took matters into her own hands – literally.

Cradling his head in her hands, she pulled it down to hers, and kissed him with a fiery passion that took him completely by surprise.

He had expected a tentative, _nèn _kiss. For a beginner, River seemed to have more than a grasp of the basics, shaping her lips to his and angling her head for better access. Jayne's nerve endings crackled into startled life. His arms tightened round her of their own accord, pulling her closer; he had to have a stern word, reminding them that River didn't know what she was doing, that her actions were innocent, and that he'd be a ruttin' _hún dàn_ to take advantage. Unfortunately, at that point, River stuck her tongue in his mouth, and all good intentions vanished. Jayne growled and threw her up against the wall, poised to taste, ravage, claim…

The sound of Kaylee's chatter floating along the corridor above made him leap back like he was clutching a nettle. Seconds later, Kaylee and Simon came into view, making their way along the catwalk and down to the cargo bay.

"Hey, River; hey, Jayne!" Kaylee beamed at them, clearly thrilled to have Simon's company.

Damn. River immediately assumed her blankest expression and began twiddling her hair round her finger. Jayne folded his arms and braced his shoulders against the wall, trying to get his body to relax; it was still coiled with delicious tension and roaring at him to get back to it. He decided to direct the tension elsewhere, and lookee here, here was one of his favourite targets.

"Hey, Doc," he snarled, "you're an idiot."

Kaylee gasped. "Jayne! Why you gotta be so mean? He weren't doin' nothin'!"

Simon rolled his eyes. "Forget it, Kaylee – for a simian experiment gone wrong that was practically well bred." He stepped up to Jayne, chin raised. "Do we have a problem?"

"Just the same thing as always, Doc," Jayne sneered. "You bein' a Core-bred pansy. All those drugs and _gǒu shǐ _you pump into your sister, it didn't never occur to you to give her somethin' she wanted?"

Whatever he'd been expecting, it wasn't that. Simon blinked. "What?"

"You're willin' to be a big damn hero and bust her outta school-jail, but you ain't willin' to show her a little affection?"

Simon looked bewildered. "Jayne, I have even less idea of what you're talking about than usual."

"Why've you never kissed her?"

His expression progressed to bemused. "What?" he said again.

"Not a kiss on the mouth," Jayne hastened to add. "That would be all pervy-like. But you could at least have kissed her on the cheek!"

Simon frowned at him, anger apparently defused. "What are you talking about, Jayne? I _have _kissed River on the cheek. Many times."

It was Jayne's turn to look bewildered. "You have?"

He shrugged. "Of course. Our parents were never very demonstrative, but that doesn't mean River and I weren't. River loved kisses as a child: she'd wheedle them from anyone she could – if she liked them. True, not from our parents, but she pretty much had everyone else wrapped round her finger." His lips quirked in a rare smile of reminiscence. "I remember catching her kissing the gardener's son just before she went to the Academy – he was five years older than she, but she blackmailed him into it." The smile stretched to a grin. "She was such a brat."

Jayne turned a horrified and outraged gaze on River, who tried to retain her expression of wide-eyed innocence… but her lips twitched and she burst out laughing.

She started twirling around the room singing, "A kiss with a Jayne is better than none!" She stopped suddenly, slyly smiling. "_Much_ better than none." The look in her eyes made Jayne wanna wring her scrawny neck... but also had him fightin' the urge to stride across the deck and snatch her into another kiss, audience bedamned.

She really was a brat.

* * *

**A/N 2 "A kiss with a fist is better than none" is a lyric from the song of the same name by Florence and the Machine. ****Those looking for more insight into River's claim here of why she attacked Jayne might be interested in reading another Rayne fic I wrote, "The Crimson Stain", which can also be found on my Fanfiction profile.**

**Glossary:**

**___dāi zi – _suckers; fools**

**_gǒu shǐ – _s**t**

**_hún dàn – _bastard**

**_nèn – _inexperienced**

**_pì gu –_ ass**

**_wǒ de mā_ – mother of God**


	12. A Tasty Treat

**A/N This one came courtesy of a prompt from Superster, so I hope they like it :-)**

* * *

**A Tasty Treat**

The whole thing was Inara's fault.

If she hadn't been playin' dress-up with the crazy _guài dàn_, none of it woulda happened.

But the two of them had emerged from Inara's shuttle to reveal River all dressed up like a real girl. 'Nara'd outlined River's eyes in black, so they appeared even bigger than usual, and done some kind of curling thingy to her hair; but it was her mouth that caught Jayne's attention. She had painted River's lips a deep red, accentuating their full, pouting shape. Jayne had never even noticed River's mouth before _****__– _Jayne didn't generally notice any woman's mouth _****__– _but that evening he found he couldn't keep his eyes away, tracking every smile and frown, mesmerised by how her feelings changed the shape. They looked like luscious strawberries, bursting with sweet juice. After he noticed that, Jayne couldn't unsee it. Even the next day when River appeared as normal _****__–_ with tangled hair and bare lips _****__–_ he still couldn't take his eyes off her mouth. Without the paint, they were just as full and edible, only now they looked like raspberries.

Jayne ate double portions of everything that day. But it didn't help.

* * *

The next day they were planet-side. Mal had bought River a Fruit Freeze, which she gleefully received. She kept swirling the straw round her mouth, lips pursing as she lovingly drew the frozen liquid up between her lips. Ruttin' hell _****__–_ how long did it take to finish one gorram drink? The stall's proprietor was a buxom blonde who twitched her shoulder and fluttered her lashes; Jayne leered at her, but his heart wasn't really in it. His eyes kept crawling back to River, who was now sticking out her tongue to a laughing Kaylee, displaying its change in colour through cherry-smudged lips.

Jayne bought a kilo of berries (which earned him some teasing comments considering he only ever normally bought dead cow or liquor). He ate the whole bag in one sitting, gorging himself until his lips were stained and the berries' sweet juices ran down his chin.

It didn't help.

* * *

They were on Persephone for a job, and as had become routine, Mal took River and Jayne with him. The threat of possible death grounded him, as it always did, senses snapping to the alert as he continually scoped his surroundings. Vera was a welcome weight in his arms. This was good. This was normal. Jayne relaxed (as much as you can when confronted with a group of vicious armed men).

They were a motley crew; all shapes, sizes and colours. With a slew of hardware ranging from a sawn-off carbine, a _dī liè_ pistol, and what looked like a nicely balanced Eagle Eye poking out the top of a red boot.

Their ringleader, a sharp-faced _hún dàn_ named McCree, stood before them, smirking in a way that made Jayne's fists itch.

"Alrigh', lil' Albatross," Mal spoke in low tones. "You just let me know if anyone's gettin' itchy fingers, 'kay?" Jayne glanced at River. She was nodding, eyes unfocusing, and nibbling on her lower lip as she concentrated on the thoughts around her. Her small white teeth tugged at its rosy fullness.

The glance became a stare; his hands tightened round Vera...

* * *

Mal stalked back to Serenity, his face tight with fury. "What ruttin' good is a ruttin' mercenary who can't control his _ruttin' _weapon!" Jayne trotted a few steps behind, head lowered. He didn't even have the heart to argue.

A heavily pregnant Zoe waddled out the cargo bay doors to meet them. An eyebrow flicked up as she took in the crimson stain encircling Mal's bicep. "What happened?"

"I'll tell you what happened!" Mal suddenly exploded. "We were just about to make a deal, then ruttin' Mr. Trigger Happy here decided to squeeze one out of Vera, at which point everything went to _gǒu shǐ_, and we were in the middle of a gorram full scale shootout!"

"I tole you it was an accident." Jayne shuffled his feet, still refusing to look up.

Zoe retained her calm. "Are they dead?"

"Yeah, they're dead! Mostly thanks to Lil' Albatross here gettin' hold of one fella's knife then wreaking havoc with it."

"Jayne killed three," River piped up. Jayne went to throw her a grateful look, then remembered he was furious with her. It was all her damn fault in the first place.

As if he'd heard Jayne's thought, Mal spoke testily: "It was his damn fault in the first place! If he hadn't been ruttin' distracted by God knows what, we wouldn't have been in that predicament!"

River had been staring at Jayne, head cocked and a small smile hovering about her lips. "The tow-headed henchman was about to reach for his weapon when Jayne shot _****__–_ it gave the appearance of deadly competence. No face was lost."

Mal appeared slightly mollified. "Well, that's somethin'." But he still scowled at Jayne. "Nigh on four years I've known you, and I ain't never known you to shoot when you didn't mean to. Whatever's gotten into you, snap out of it! Or I'll have to get me another big damned merc." He stomped up the ramp.

Jayne shot River a look of death. "I'll be in my bunk."

* * *

After that, he did his best to avoid her. Leaving rooms when she entered, avoiding group gatherings when he could. But there was little he could do during meals; a man's gotta eat, after all. So, he was there the next day at breakfast when Kaylee joyfully produced a crock of honey she'd bought in a burst of sunshine generosity whilst planet-side. They had it with fried biscuits; Zoe's specialty. The culinary treat bucked Jayne right up; he was the happiest and fullest he'd felt in a long while... until his gaze fell on River and he saw what she was doing.

Her middle finger dragged through the honey remaining on her plate and floated to her lips, lashes fluttering as its flavour hit her tongue. Not content with this, she then inserted the finger in her mouth and carefully licked it clean, lips glistening with the sweetest of glazes. Apparently becoming aware of his dropped-jaw scrutiny, her eyes rose to meet his, a question in their liquid depths.

Jayne bolted.

* * *

Four days passed, along with every conceivable scenario. Four days, and all he could see was River's ruttin' lips.

The first day, the crew was playing cards in the mess area. Unsurprisingly, when you could get her to sit down and focus, the crazy girl was a genius at card games, something Mal continually tried to play to his advantage. On this occasion, she somehow ended up sitting between him and Jayne, laughing as Mal wheedled her into helping, then brushing a finger against her lips as she became more engrossed in the game. Back and forth, back and forth, until Jayne wanted to scream with frustration, until his fingers started to twitch in sympathy, yearning to know what they felt like. When she slotted the tip of her thumb into her mouth with a distracted expression, Jayne swore, folded, and staggered away.

The second day, she came into the cargo bay when he was working out, seemingly aimlessly drifting whilst carrying an Ice Planet. Unfortunately for Jayne, she had learnt how to eat them, and he was mid-lift when her tongue curled out and scooped its creamy softness into her mouth. Fortunately for Jayne, Mal was en route to Inara's shuttle, and he lifted the weight off before any permanent damage was done.

On the third day, she planted a tender kiss on Simon's cheek; Jayne found himself staring at the Doc with a hungry expression, wondering if she'd left her taste behind. Simon gave him a funny look and shifted his chair a few inches away. The moment Jayne realised he was contemplating what Dr. Prissypant's face tasted like was the moment he realised he was going mad.

The ruttin' girl was a gorram witch!

* * *

Four days of stasis; four days of torture.

On the fifth day, Jayne refused to leave his bunk, figuring it was safest to stay put. He didn't even come out for breakfast, ignoring both the pangs of his growling stomach and the soft tapping from a worried Kaylee checking if he was okay.

But then the door to his bunk opened; someone was descending the ladder.

He growled from his sprawled position on his stomach, where he'd shoved a pillow in an attempt to ease its sharp demands for food. "I ain't in the mood for company."

"If he prefers, she could bring a third and make a crowd?"

Jayne immediately sat bolt upright. Ruttin' Moonbrain was in his bunk!

He scowled at her, trying to conceal how his heart rate had rocketed at the sound of her voice.

"What d'you want, Crazy?"

River didn't reply; instead she weaved her way over to him, gliding, but with a definite purpose. She stopped when she reached the edge of the bed and bent down until her face was mere inches from his own. Jayne stared at her with horrified fascination, eyes immediately gluing themselves to her lips. He'd never seen them this close before. They were pink and full and oh-so-tempting. His stomach suddenly growled. He swallowed, realising his hands were starting to shake.

"What... what you doin', Crazy?" Who was that? Whoever it was, they had spoken in a thready voice that was practically a whimper. Couldn't have been Jayne; he never whimpered.

"Sweet love, renew thy force. Be it not said thy edge should blunter be than appetite." Her voice was a breathless invocation. Jayne didn't understand the words; he might have opened his mouth to ask what they meant, but at that moment, River's small tongue poked out from between her lips and ran slowly across their surface. "Drink of me, and take thy surfeit."

The words whispered over his lips; a loving benediction; a longing invitation. Her warm breath mingled with his, changing his own to short, hitching jerks; he could so nearly taste her.

The moistened lips pursed, drawing into a perfect pout, silently asking, silently offering...

"_Tā mā de wǒ_..."

With a groan of surrender, Jayne hands shot out and fisted in that long, dark hair. Pulling her into his arms, he urgently ground his lips against hers, desperate to feed, to quench his thirst. It was a banquet of the senses: scent, taste, touch and sound; he greedily took it all. Drinking in her sweetness, feasting on her succulence, swallowing her sighs. Biting, tasting, sucking, lapping. Filling himself with the delicious flavour of River.

He couldn't get enough. (Somewhere, in the back of his mind, he feared he'd never be able to get enough.)

He drank until he was giddy from the intoxication, but was still hungry for more, more, more... When breathing became a serious issue, he reluctantly tore his mouth from hers, pausing only long enough to snatch in a deep breath and allow her the same, before his mouth descended again for the next course.

As he pulled her in once more, one thought remained in his fevered mind:

It was the best gorram meal he'd ever had.

* * *

**Glossary:**

_****____dī liè __****__– _******second-rate; shoddy**

_****__guài dàn – _**crazy freak**

**_gǒu shǐ ___****_– _****s**t**

******_hún dàn _****____****_– _********bastard**

**************_tā mā de wǒ_********__****____****_– _****************damn me to hell**_********__****____****__; _**************f******************k ****************me**

River is quoting from William Shakespeare's sonnet 56, which can be seen below. I made up the line about taking thy surfeit :)

**Sweet love, renew thy force. Be it not said**  
**Thy edge should blunter be than appetite,**  
**Which but today by feeding is allayed,**  
**Tomorrow sharpened in his former might.**  
**So, love, be thou. Although today thou fill**  
**Thy hungry eyes even till they wink with fullness,**  
**Tomorrow see again, and do not kill**  
**The spirit of love with a perpetual dullness.**  
**Let this sad int'rim like the ocean be**  
**Which parts the shore where two contracted new**  
**Come daily to the banks, that, when they see**  
**Return of love, more blest may be the view.**  
**Else call it winter, which, being full of care,**  
**Makes summer's welcome, thrice more wished, more rare.**


End file.
